Das Kamasutra by Anne Hooper

By Anne Hooper

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0007. 0007 Communication  In setting out a history of the idea of communication, John Durham Peters (2000) argues that communication has now become a ‘registry of modern longings’, a term which evokes a ‘utopia where nothing is misunderstood, where hearts are open, and expression is uninhibited’ (2000, p. 2). Nowhere are these expectations of, and desires for, communication more evident than in contemporary understandings of the couple relationship. We can see the importance of communication as a constant theme in research that informs relationship education and support (Chang & Barrett, 2009) and as a common thread in socio-cultural narratives about what makes a ‘successful’ relationship where, as we noted in Chapters 1 and 2, the influence of popular therapy is ever present (Eldén, 2011; Furedi, 2004).

Across the instances cited, therefore, what is crucial, we suggest, is the practice of shared time together and/or the sharing of time and space together apart. For others, however, ideas and everyday practices of being together apart were stretched to their limits. Here, TV preferences served to separate the couple. Time together was something to be avoided, or when encountered, an occasion fraught with tension and anxiety. Rosemary, for example, does a dance of a symbolic order with her husband, involving a highly choreographed orchestration as they move between rooms in order to spend as little time as possible together.

I say little allowance, but it’s a big thing, and I think, as I say, I’ve never had it before, and it’s just brilliant. Jamieson (1998) suggests that couples’ intimate knowing and understanding of each other are not just cognitive but also emotional and sympathetic, in that a deep insight into an inner self is also demanded. For Duncan, this work of deep knowing by his partner is not dependent on the time that the couple have been together; theirs is not a long relationship. Rather, it builds on what they have learnt over time as individuals and through their previous relationships.

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