Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic by Richard A. Isay

By Richard A. Isay

"What's love obtained to do with it? every thing, in line with Richard Isay's trained and illuminating examine the function of romance in glossy homosexual lifestyles. I hugely suggest this ebook for individuals of any new release and partnership status."

--Dean H. Hamer, Ph.D., writer of The technological know-how of wish and The God Gene

"Richard Isay deals whatever much better than basic bromides and fake desire. during this ebook, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and eventually hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these folks who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't?) can most sensible locate happiness and therapeutic in a devoted relationship."

--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's advisor and jointly Forever

"Many homosexual males (and others, too) are inclined to locate this publication exceedingly attention-grabbing and important. In a chain of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific trouble in developing and maintaining loving relationships and the way they may sensibly increase their possibilities of doing so."

--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D., writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love

"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are debatable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we're all of the higher for that. He has anything to claim and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative ebook can be learn through a person who yearns for yet hasn't but stumbled on genuine love."

--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislations and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project

"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 many years of expertise operating with homosexual males in treatment, it is a deeply considerate learn of the problems homosexual males may well adventure with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, interpreting this booklet can cause him to revisit a few darkish areas alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will supply him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and capability for switch which are the pursuits of gay-positive psychotherapy."

--Simon LeVay, Ph.D., writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science

"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships."

--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis

"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are imperative. Drawing on his remarkable services and many years of reports from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and price of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and improve our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for higher equality and inclusion in society."

--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage concerns

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Extra resources for Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

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He observed that the lack of human interaction and stimulation at this early age was responsible for these severe disturbances and frequent fatalities. His work was elaborated by the British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, who pointed out how secure early attachments to a mother or a mothering person provide the foundation for future happiness, health, and adult intimate relationships. When attachments are disrupted in earliest childhood, this has the most profound effect on health and on the capacity to feel trust, which is necessary to attach to another person.

Like Jonathan, he was still burdened by his close relationship to his mother. He was the youngest of three and his mother’s favorite. ” To please her, Robert had dated girls throughout his adolescence, though he was aware by age thirteen or fourteen of his desire for other boys and men. qxd 3/9/06 10:56 AM Page 29 why is it difficult to need love? 29 did not have sex with men until he went away to college, when it was anonymous or with men who were unavailable. He had recognized even then that he did not want a close relationship because it would disappoint his mother.

The methods he can use to get love and attention become increasingly nuanced and enhanced as the child emerges from being utterly dependent. Indeed, for an adolescent to develop a crush on another and fall in love, he must be separate enough and secure enough to be confident that he will get something valuable from loving another person. While, paradoxically, the act of falling in love increases the separation and a sense of independence from our parents, throughout our lives we continue to need attachments, in part because they reestablish and re-evoke the imprinted memories of our early relatedness.

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